When they’re approaching the end again
by Loz06
Summary: Neil.Andrea. Sequel to 'When things start falling apart'. Neil stands up to Philippa and tries to make a new life for himself only to be left with nothing, Phil Hunter plays on Andrea’s insecurities and she realises a few truths about Neil she hasn’t want
1. Chapter 1

_Sorry about the false start, had to make a last minute check of my facts._

**Title: **When they're approaching the end again

**Author: **Loz

**E-Mail: **loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com

**Rating: **T

**Category: **Neil/Andrea…All Neil/Andrea

**Series: **Story number seventeen. What follows are titles and story ID numbers:

**(1) **After he's at her door – 2486705 **(9)** When she wants him back – 2598312

**(2) **When the mighty fall – 2506192 **(10) **When they're stuck together – 2611364

**(3) **While his wife's away – 2525486 **(11)** When they're back together – 2619492

**(4) **While they're away – 2543010 **(12) **Life almost in balance – 2630121

**(5) **When love's not working – 2543013 **(13) **Life under pressure – 2666280

**(6) **Boundaries when broken up – 2562611 **(14) **Trying to have a life together – 2699235

**(7) **What happens on the train – 2579012 **(15) **Outside influences on their lives – 2704730

**(8) **When they work together – 2595808 **(16) **When things start falling apart – 2727112

**(17) **When they're approaching the end again - 2750079

**Spoilers: **So minor it shouldn't ruffle any feathers.

**Archive (if applicable): **www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)(squiggle)loz06

**Feedback: **The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.

**Summary: **Neil stands up to Philippa and tries to make a new life for himself only to be left with nothing, Phil Hunter plays on Andrea's insecurities and she realises a few truths about Neil she hasn't wanted to admit to herself.

**Authors' notes: **I've made a New Year's resolution (one of many and bound to break at least one) to be better with leaving reviews, to actually acknowledge I enjoy everyone else's work not just reading, enjoying and being too lazy to leave a review. So if I'm good, you'll see more reviews from me!

**Authors' notes 2: **O.k. I've also done a bit of shameless self-promotion at that little website thing they provide on this site. Mine's www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)(squiggle)loz06 (duh!) Anyway I did some quick notes on what I'm doing at the moment (in respect to fan fiction, I wouldn't bore you with the rest of my life.) So if you're interested, if you're not, either way.

**Authors' notes 3: **This is the last one of these in this series for a little while; going to hibernate a bit (in an Australian summer what a joke!) and do some other things, stand alones. So I'm not disappearing and I won't move away from this series for too long.

**Thanks: **Never enough thanks can be said by me to (in no particular order) Phoenix Angelwolf, Madz87, Stacey Ellen, Meegan Boulton, Gem6, Fabio, Lornz. Also thanks to all the other (maybe assuming too much here) anonymous people who read. (Hey maybe each story is bad but like a car wreck (you can't help but stare) and everyone has to keep coming back!)

**Disclaimers: **You have the right to remain silent... Oh no now I'm in trouble... I swear on this stack of virtual bibles I have nothing to do with the show.

* * *

When Neil looks up mid morning Wednesday Andrea's there. He's had two days to absorb Philippa's news and he still doesn't know what he feels much less what he wants. He remembers how angry he was about their pregnancy scare and remembers how long she had the news before she told him; right then and there he decides he can't tell her. There's too much at stake to muddy the waters with her thoughts, opinions and pressures. She once asked him where what Neil wants come into it. He decides now. It's a decision he has to make on his own; he can't take into account any personal feelings he might have for Andrea.

Neil can't find anything to say to Andrea and as they stand in silence he hopes she'll say something first.

"Cally slept on Yvonne's bed the entire time she was there." Safe territory and she gets a small smile.

"She'll expect the same from you now." Andrea returns the smile.

"Yvonne believed your story?"

"Dear dad's birthday always works."

"I don't know what's going to happen, I don't…" Neil raises a hand and it falls involuntarily to slap against his thigh. There's pain in his eyes and Andrea cuts him off.

"I love you, I want you and I will fight for you." As if words weren't enough she steps in pressing her lips hard to his, only when he responds does she relax into the kiss. Both hear the door open and close seconds later.

"Who was that?" Wide eyed Andrea looks almost frightened, mostly it is just added anxiety she doesn't need at this point.

"I don't know." Neil says slowly but they don't need to guess as the door opens and closes with a bang.

"Would you excuse us PC Dunbar." Neil knows it's not work related, he's their mystery peeper.

"Anything you've got to say to me you can say in front of PC Dunbar." Neil shifts to cold and calculating.

"That's cute, is that what you call each other when you're off duty?" Andrea can see Phil building to being livid.

"Why don't you just get it all off your chest Phil, say what you want to say." Neil acts as though he's bored having heard and seen the act before.

"How could you do this to Pippa?" Andrea gets a look telling her she's not excluded from his words. "She's kind…"

"Oh do me a favour Phil, don't tell me about my wife." It's painfully clear Neil isn't interested in being lectured by Phil.

"I stood in this office after that Saturday night…" Phil drifts off and shakes his head, "You hypocritical bastard."

The word makes Andrea's eyes immediately snap to Neil who doesn't flinch.

"Who are you to lecture me, a child to one woman, married to another, liaisons with women for years all over town, always chasing another bit of skirt – you…you're really going to stand here and call me a hypocrite."

"She doesn't deserve this, she deserves better, better than you." Neil snaps striding angrily to Phil, pushing him with force against the office door. They wrestle arm to arm in pursuit of something that isn't clear to Andrea. The wrestling pits their strength against one another, their faces etched in angry scowls; neither can gain the upper hand.

"I suppose that's you isn't it, the one better than me." Neil goes for another shove, giving Andrea enough time to stand between them. She pushes Neil back without care or concern and still the two men stare each other down, an animal instinct to fight still pumping from their adrenal glands. "You here lecturing me that's hypocritical. You have no idea what Philippa's like, I was driven to Andrea by her, but you don't see that do you?" As the two men breathe heavily from the scuffle Andrea steps aside, the two seemingly calmed down.

"You're in love with her." It's clear that Neil's just realised this.

He lunges again, too quickly for Andrea and this time he doesn't miss, the punch landing under Phil's right eye, he cowers over. Andrea wants to rein Neil in as he stands over Phil but a part of her is frightened.

"You mention this to anyone and I'll make sure your career is over and your life is ten more types of hell than it already is going to be." Phil manages to straighten up and look Neil in the eye but he walks out having had the bravado knocked out of him.

Andrea doesn't comment or glare, she can't look him in the eye, frightened and disgusted at this side of him. She walks out a minute later, Neil having ignored her completely.

That afternoon when she comes back to CID things have simmered, Phil is gone and Neil is hunched over his desk bored into calm by monthly figures.

He looks up for a moment and mumbles close the door, as he buries himself in work again. Andrea does it slowly trying to judge his mood but he's giving away nothing. When she sits down they look across the desk at one another…nothing.

"Should I be worried, was that the real you I saw this morning?" There's no small amount of concern in her voice, her eyes are wide and plead for an explanation.

"No." It's simple and honest with a shake of his head.

"Then what were you thinking? He could have you and your job on a plate." Andrea almost sounds like a parent disappointed in a child's actions, done spontaneously and without thought.

"So you think it's appropriate for him to come in here and lecture us, all hypocrisy aside." The beginnings of a defensive wall go up.

"No, but it was even less appropriate for you to hit him." Andrea knows he knows but doesn't hold back with her lecturing tone.

"He asked for it." The childlike comment surprises her.

"Well remind me to never put a foot wrong with you."

"Don't be like that." It puts Neil on the back foot and needing to chase to get her back.

"It was stupid." Andrea leans forward in her chair. "And you scared me."

Although it wasn't said for effect, Neil's reaction is though she'd added 'this is the final straw and you may lose me over this one.' He stands out of his chair and over to behind the door but Andrea doesn't budge.

"Andrea." His voice is soft and face remorseful and it's enough to push her to join him.

His embrace is tight and swallows her up; she does the same for him.

"I'm sorry." He says chin resting on her shoulder.

"It's o.k." Andrea can feel the tension in his body but he's taking comfort from being next to her. "What is it Neil, there's something else." He's doing his best to disguise it but Andrea can feel it in his frame.

He won't say only shaking his head against her; she decides its best not to push only letting go of him when he does her. His sight immediately drops to the carpet.

"Philippa wants to move into international law." Another fight between spouses Andrea assumes. "She's taking a job in the USA, she's taking Colin with her and she wants a separation." Andrea can't react, it's too much all of a sudden, all the implications cause overload. She knows she can't visibly react anyway, not after the pregnancy scare and because it's not her decision to make nor hers to try and influence his decision.

"Does she know about us?" It's a mutually immediate concern, the last thing Andrea wants is the tale she told Yvonne about an angry wife coming after her coming true. "Did you know before we went away?" If he did it would explain a lot.

"She told me when I got back Sunday night, I don't think she knows about us but she may suspect there's someone." It's obvious he hasn't thought about that question till now.

"What will you do?" Andrea knows it's a question he probably can't answer.

"I don't know." His eyes meet hers and there's pain but also a pleading for her to tell him all the solutions.

"You can't be influenced by me when you decide." Andrea's voice cracks and although Neil doesn't react she knows he appreciates the words.

"I have to…" All of a sudden she feels overwhelmed and has to get out. At the first corridor she comes to she leans against the wall and just breathes, trying to get rid of the indescribable feeling.

She knows she should be happy, she should be overjoyed, the smile on her face not able to be wiped. Neil free to be with her and only her with a former wife separated from them by an ocean. There's the unacknowledged part of her that is happy, ecstatic.

Then there's the tiny insecure part of her that shouts its tiny voice to be heard. 'He's going to choose Philippa.' She'd rather deal with her insecurities than the loudest part.

She decides to deal with the loudest then and there, to get out, all ties cut with journalism and it becomes one of life's many mistakes learnt from. She knows she can't keep stringing things along hoping the gap between the present and Neil and Philippa splitting will remain, it's here now. She can't live with the ever tightening vice that is her life and she doesn't want to have to deal with Bruce anymore, secret meetings and one-sided phone calls. What scares her more than Neil choosing Philippa is the fact he may never forgive her, she's tired of sneaking and lying to him – keeping it from him, forever is not an option. She's petrified he'll be so upset she'll never see him again and cooler heads won't prevail when it comes to keeping her secret a secret. She knows it's a huge risk she has to take. She wants a life and a future with him.

* * *

"You can't take Colin with you; I've just started to improve my relationship with him." Neil stands in the bedroom doorway. Earlier when he arrived home, Colin had told him he was going to the McPhee's, Neil was now glad he was there.

"So I should sacrifice my relationship with him for yours." Philippa unbuttons her suit jacket.

"All his friends are here…" Neil searches for more reasons.

"He'll make new ones." Philippa lets her skirt shimmy to the floor.

"We shouldn't use him as a pawn, whoever gets him wins." Neil tries to be adult and mature.

"Are you saying that's what I'm doing?" He'd have jumped down her throat except it was more of a question than accusation. He always felt he started behind when he argued with Philippa; after all she did it for a living though it didn't mean she necessarily came out the winner when at home.

"In the end he's sixteen, he can make his own decision and he has." Philippa's tone suggests she considers it to be as simple as that.

"Is this really about your career or do you just want to be as far away from me as possible?"

"Maybe you should ask yourself that." Philippa pulls on some casual around home pants. Neil realises he's torn once again, this time three ways. He hadn't thought anymore about the choice of Philippa or Andrea and although he'd wrestled with what he would loose along with Philippa in Brighton, those things seemed distant now she was taking his son with her.

The pendulum has swung back to Andrea and Colin and a great part of him is thinking Andrea might lose out again.

"Well I'm coming." Neil sighs watching her hang up the suit she's just taken off. "I'm not having Colin thousands of miles away."

"Fine," Philippa says showing all the interest of a bored teenager.

"Fine, that's it?" In Neil's pocket his phone rings on a different soft tone…it's the one he especially assigned to Andrea's numbers.

"What you do will soon be no concern of mine," Having done changing Philippa breezes past him out of their bedroom.

"Hello." Neil watches Philippa head downstairs making sure she's out of earshot. He gets no reply on the other end. "Andrea?" The call disconnects. Ten minutes later he's at her door.

* * *

Neil knocks though he has a key, surprised to find Andrea in her pyjamas but not to find her looking at him and expecting the worst.

"Can I come in?" He remembers he has things here, things he hasn't visited in a while.

She steps aside letting him pass, inside the TV is on mute, a CD changes in the player, a soulful pop song setting the mood. Only one lamp lights the room.

"You hung up." Neil watches as she points her remote and dissolves the picture on the TV screen.

"I didn't really know what I was going to say and I thought it might not have been a good time…that you were home." Andrea sits on the sofa, legs crossed underneath her.

"It's not home." Neil says more to himself, sitting opposite her.

There's silence as he waits for Andrea to reply but clearly she still doesn't know what to say.

"I've been thinking about my options." He thinks maybe he should have said 'our.'

"You've only known about this for what? It's Friday, less than a week." Andrea is passively incredulous.

"No decision has been made." Neil's quick to reassure.

"Well its easy isn't it? Should I stay or should I go?" Andrea's words have a sing-song touch to them.

"Philippa…" But he's instantly cut off.

"Well it's not really about her either way is it? I'm competing against Colin and as his father I should come off second best." Neil can't deny the truth in her words.

"It's slightly more complex than that." His words don't ring true with her.

"No it's not." Andrea immediately comes back. "What will you do over there?"

"FBI, NYPD, I haven't thought that far ahead."

"Right," Andrea remains unconvinced of the soft nature of his plans.

"Don't be like this." Neil's voice soothes.

"Like what? Upset, resentful, sick and tired? Upset that I'm loosing you again, resentful towards the other people in your life, sick and tired of playing second fiddle to your family and I know this is selfish so don't bother throwing that back at me." For the first time that night Andrea sounds angry.

"You have every right to be angry because up until the information about Colin clicked you thought we were finally free to be together." It's the understanding words that bring her tears.

"How much longer do I have to wait, how much more do I have to fight?"

"Nothing's set in concrete yet." Neil pulls her into him, tears staining the front of his shirt. That night he holds her until she falls asleep but he can't drop off with her, instead he lies awake staring at the ceiling. There's a time before dawn he watches her sleep peacefully before finally nodding off himself.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Neil had wanted to stay for the weekend but Andrea needed space and although it now seemed irrelevant she didn't want Philippa to know about their affair either. By Sunday night she knew she needed an unbiased opinion and that meant creating a story.

"You know that guy I was seeing." Yvonne negotiates their car around a corner.

"Mr. Married with psycho wife," Yvonne quips.

"He called me on Saturday." An oh-no look crosses Yvonne's face. "His wife is a broker and she's taking a job in the USA, she's taking the child with her, she's asking him for a divorce."

"He wants you back." Yvonne exclaims with an 'I can't believe he'd dare' tone.

"He's going to the USA with the child; I think he wants me to go with him." Andrea makes sure she sounds unsure.

"No way, don't even consider it, his wife will hit the roof, she'll make your life a living hell." Yvonne's adamant.

"Are you saying no, never, not with anyone?" Andrea clarifies.

"With the right guy sure, you go over there and retrain, carrying a gun everyday I'd never get used to that." Yvonne wanders off track.

"For the record I'm not considering going." Andrea assures her though the opposite is true. She'd told Neil she'd stand and fight for him and a cross Atlantic move would be a quick and painless way to extract herself from Bruce.

"Good because we'd miss you here too much," Yvonne smiles.

* * *

Andrea watches him finish typing a message and slide the phone back into his jacket pocket. He's alone and she knows she should clear the air; mostly she just wants more information. She doesn't ask permission to sit across from him; he glances at her with disinterest making it clear she'll have to do the work. 

"Was it true what Neil said about you and Philippa?" Andrea puts as much innocence into her voice as she has.

Phil sighs heavily and gives her a non-committal, "I don't know." He's still sporting a slightly bruised eye and Andrea had heard all the rumours about how he got it, none of course were true. Phil's hands turn his cup of tea on its saucer. Andrea knew there'd be a chance he'd have walked away from the question, still she presses on.

"She's moving to the US you know, taking Colin with her, Neil's heartbroken." A slightly less non-committal nod of the head and Andrea realises he knows, Philippa has been in contact, probably to apologise. "He's not perfect but he's not a bad guy, I kissed him first and I encouraged him even when he backed off."

"Well you would say that." Phil observes cynically.

"Why? I stand to lose him to the USA so he can be with Colin, I could be angry and looking to get a few knives in before he goes."

"He's not going anywhere, not as long as there's a DCI's job opening in the borough." The rumours had been circulating last week throughout uniform and CID. Neither Neil nor Andrea had mentioned it to one another and Andrea wasn't going to hang onto something this fickle for hope that Neil wouldn't go.

"I heard about that, do you really think…?" It's as if she doesn't want to say anymore because saying it would make it gossip.

"Philippa's not the only career minded one, you know he has a five years plan." Andrea had heard of but never sighted the document. "He's put family aside before for it." There's a lengthy silence as the teacup continues to circle. "They inflict wounds on each other."

"Surely it would be healthier for them to be apart then." Andrea puts more convincing in her voice than questioning.

Phil avoids the question; it's not really for him to judge anyway. "The only thing that's stood the test of time in the DI's life is that plan." For the first time he looks across the table at Andrea. "Are you on it?" It's a sobering thought for Andrea but not the last. "Say you go with him and I know you're considering it, how long before he's chasing Director of the FBI and you're left chasing time to spend with him?" Phil stands but Andrea isn't about to let herself be the only one left with something to think about.

"Then again, your information is from only one side, Philippa's." It doesn't stop Phil in the slightest.

"I've known the DI for a while and where there's smoke…" Instead of burying a few hostilities she's dragged up a whole heap of new questions.

* * *

The call comes through her mobile on Friday though it isn't necessary she's at home. Andrea's not sure how she got to midday without doing anything, the first half of her day lost to a sleep in and too many thoughts. She hadn't stopped thinking about Phil's words. 

"So where is he?" Bruce looks conspicuously into the living area. She could have made some remark about how they weren't joined at the hip but that would imply there was any kind of togetherness between her and Neil right now, she also wasn't prepared to bait and debate Bruce today.

"I hear there's a DCI's job going." Andrea suspected this was the reason for the visit.

"Why, you interested in applying for it?" For once he laughs genuinely.

"No I'm just watching with interest."

"There are no eligible black officers at Sun Hill." Andrea sighs.

"I know. Might be a transfer for you if a black officer fills this DCI's position. I just came to see if you're tying up loose ends." More pressure, his words implying she'll be out soon. If only he knew the reality – she's in much deeper.

"I've got another couple of months yet." She reminds him.

"I know, just checking." Looking out for my welfare, how nice Andrea thinks cynically.

"Don't worry it'll be clean, quick and painless." In reality Andrea knows the coming months will be anything but. Bruce says nothing as he leaves.

* * *

He'd hacked his way around the course, sliced every second shot, taken three adventures out of the sand trap and lost two balls into the lake. Neil gave up after only nine holes. He should have called Andrea but things were too up in the air to play happy couples on the golf course. He doesn't know how he's going to tell her, let alone leave her. 

In the kitchen where he drops his keys and wallet, two Virgin Atlantic tickets rest. Instantly he fills with dread and panic, they can't be going already nothing's packed, they wouldn't leave without telling him, Colin wouldn't let it happen.

"What are these?" He finds Philippa outside with her feet up on the outside furniture, a novel in her lap. She'd asked for it three Christmas' ago, she wasn't yet halfway through it.

"I'm taking Colin to look at some flats and schools, we leave Thursday and we'll be back Sunday night." She explains.

"Already," Neil says astounded. He looks at the tickets, Heathrow to JFK, fly out Thursday back Sunday.

"My cases are wrapped up, there's nothing keeping me here." That hurts.

"When will you be going?"

"Beginning of next month," Philippa goes back to her book.

"Well thanks for telling me, what about me?" Neil waves the tickets.

"I assumed you'd make your own arrangements, does Adam Okaro know about your plans?" She's mocking; she doesn't think he's serious about going with them.

"You can't shut me out Philippa, I have to know what you're doing, Colin is both our responsibilities, what are we going to do with this house?"

"Rent it I suppose." She looks across the backyard. Frustrated with her unhelpfulness, Neil stalks back inside. It dawns on him she doesn't care about the house, furniture, cars, cash, shares and the flat in his name. Her new employer will house her for three months till she finds something suitable to live in at which point she'll want her half of the assets in the divorce which she'll quickly turn into cash.

* * *

They meet at the bottom of the stairs to her flat, he on the way to tell her the latest developments; she has to pick up some much-needed basic items. 

"There have been some developments." Andrea wishes he'd use the word changes instead.

"You better come up." Andrea turns around and back tracks her steps letting them in. She tosses her things down realising this will probably take a while.

"Philippa's flying out Thursday to look at schools and flats." Andrea rolls her eyes thinking typical. "What?"

"It's just so nice and neat for Philippa." She laughs once turning towards the window. "She makes up her mind and throws everyone else's life into chaos, a little trail of destruction in her wake." Neil doesn't disagree. "Makes her decision and leaves you to make the hard choice, leaves you with the mess." It's almost as if she can't believe it she has to say it twice.

Again Neil says nothing.

"And if you stay it only gives her more reason to suspect." Andrea shakes her head at the injustice.

"To be fair she doesn't know about you, it may not be premeditated." Neil instantly regrets defending Philippa but Andrea doesn't bite.

"Oh she suspects and she's sitting back and laughing while we're torn apart from each other, it's her way of getting her own back."

"She doesn't care anymore." That much is painfully obvious.

"Have you talked to Colin?" A generic question with a specific meaning.

"I won't let him become a pawn, I won't let this become a tug of war and I won't make him choose between his parents, he's made his decision." Andrea can respect that.

"I've decided to go with them, at least for a few months." Neil feels cowardly for saying it when her back is turned and when she does face him he can see she's been crying.

"Well I'm coming too." He's stunned and she gets no reply. "If you want me to."

"I…are you sure?" Neil's mouth is dry and he's not sure if he's happy or this complicates things.

"No, I made the decision to move across the Atlantic on a whim." Andrea's arms throw expressions, emphasising her words. She's feeling increasingly nervous that Neil's not reacting positively. She stands waiting for it to happen.

"You need to go now and think about this because I'm about to become a blathering mess if I have to look at your face for one minute longer." Andrea steels herself and cuts him off as he goes to protest.

Once he's gone she crumbles into the sofa, she cries till her head aches. They're approaching an end again.

* * *

Tuesday night becomes Andrea's second night without sleep. Her insecurities won't leave her alone, gripped tightly they slow everything down around her and bring their agenda into focus. She tosses and turns, unable to get comfortable with any pillow or in any position, she loses count of sheep there's just been too many. Her mind battles in a constant comparison of Philippa and herself, it takes all her energy to fight her demons, exhausted she finally falls asleep. 

Wednesday Andrea closes her eyes in front of the computer screen, just for a minute she tells herself. When the door swings open she jerks awake unable to remember what occurred between the time she closed her eyes and Phil's arrival.

"You look like hell." Andrea smiles with sarcastic thanks and tips her coffee into her mouth; it's cold and doesn't go down easily. "You asked me about Philippa before." Andrea doesn't think she's ever seen him look so serious. She nods encouraging him to continue.

"I might have tried it on but you don't use women like Philippa, it's like a rule, she's not a conquest or a notch. You're in awe of her, there's too much respect there."

Andrea just watches him in his chair, hoping he'll continue to open up to her.

"Even womanisers have codes." He makes a small joke and Andrea doesn't hide her surprise at the admission.

"That's why you're so angry with Neil." After a small nod from Phil they sit in silence.

"Women like Philippa don't marry men like me." Phil sighs but seems to accept his reality.

"Men like Neil don't marry me either." Andrea joins his depressed state.

"Are you kidding?" He surprises her by laughing. "He's in love with you, I can't believe I didn't see it before, then again blokes never do." It does nothing to lift Andrea. "The way he is around you, the way he looks at you. He's totally different, nothing like he is in the office when you're not around."

Andrea can't deny it's true. "Love's not enough; he doesn't want me to go with him."

"He'll be back." Phil leans over and pats the side of her arm. "Something tells me you're in his plans and the DI doesn't like to lose." Phil's words are kind but Andrea can't take comfort from them.

* * *

Neil doesn't know why he expected any different, maybe the fact he misses Colin accentuates the hollow sound of the phone, it makes Colin sound a long way away. He is Neil tells himself. 

"How's it going over there?" It takes effort to sound happy.

"It's busy and loud and noisy, it's fabulous." Neil's disappointed, what father wouldn't be.

"So you like it?" What he wouldn't give to hear the words 'no' and 'I want to come home'.

"It's different, the school's great dad and we've found this great flat, it's as big as downstairs at…" Home Neil thinks.

"Well see if you can find something nice for me." Neil's voice sounds so 'thanks for the second prize'.

"The flat has a guestroom for when you come and visit." There's no stopping his sons enthusiasm but the reply confuses him.

"No, I'm coming, I need something permanent." Neil explains not expecting the muddle to continue.

"You're coming to live over here in New York with us?" Neil's head swims as his thoughts race asking why this information is new to Colin.

"You didn't know I was moving with you?" Neil can feel the anger well; he knows who's responsible for the misinformation.

"Mum said you wanted me to go with her and you were going to stay behind." Neil seethes.

"Can I talk to her?" He stays calm.

"She's at dinner with the other lawyers." Alone in a strange city, Neil's anger jumps a notch.

"Have you eaten?"

"Room service dad," Coin says like the answer should be obvious. "The pizza slices here are huge."

"You be safe o.k. and I'll see you Sunday."

"I'm glad you're coming dad." When he's hung up the phone he kicks the kitchen cupboard hard.

"Dammit Philippa," the cupboard doesn't protest or bend and Neil doesn't feel any better. He focuses on Colin's last comment and some of the anger dissolves.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Neil doesn't see her small silver car as he passes it to pull into his driveway, in his rear-view mirror the late afternoon sun glints off her paintwork. Neil steps out of his car staring across the street, she's starting back at him. He activates the automatic locking mechanism and crosses the street.

He doesn't have to battle to communicate; she's rolls down her window as he approaches.

"Philippa's in the USA come inside."

"Your neighbours?"

"Will be more suspicious if I stay out here talking to you," there's less reluctance than he expected as Andrea stays a step behind him.

Neil has to encourage Andrea inside, the house seems so full of Philippa and she almost feels like the devil stepping into a church.

She doesn't follow him into the kitchen, absorbing the formal dining and sitting area, the display of family photos. She sees his back turned and heads upstairs, the wall lined with more family photos. Andrea tries to picture herself here but she doesn't fit, she doesn't snoop in the rooms – the personal things of no interest to her, it's about the feel of the house, the small mementos and photos that adorn the walls, the family stuff.

At the top of the stairs Andrea finds Neil at the bottom, he nods once as if giving her permission to do what she's already done. He's gone out of sight before she hits the middle stair.

Downstairs Andrea stands in the middle of the living room, her eyes casting over the sofa where Neil spent so many hours after coming home from her.

"I've been such a fool, a blind fool." Andrea sounds disappointed in herself. "You're still not committed to me."

Neil opens his mouth in protest but the look on her face stops him.

"God, I should have known in Brighton, no before then…in your office before we left you were crashing then. It's easier to go back to Philippa."

"No, it's right." As soon as he's said it he knows he doesn't mean it and the look of utter devastation on Andrea's face punishes him. She's shocked and stunned, her mouth open. "I didn't mean that." He says quickly.

"You've said it now." Some things can be forgiven but not forgotten.

"It's not an option she won't have me back."

"Oh so I'm second prize, great." Neil's reminded that not long ago he felt the same way about his son. "I did know I just didn't want to believe it. You were thinking about all the things you won't have if you don't have her…this house." Andrea pauses shaking her head. "You told me you never wanted me to be like her but you can't have me and all the things you have with her."

"It was never about Philippa, it was Colin." Small comfort to Andrea.

"When you said you were coming…Colin's had enough trauma for one year, without finding out I moved on from Philippa a long time ago."

"So you thought continuing to lie to him would be better." Andrea's words register with him; he knows whatever happens he'll need to come clean.

"I don't know, I…"

"You devastated me when I said I'd pick up and go with you, do you realise what that took?"

"Yes." Neil says barely but there's nothing else he can tell her, he's still angry with Philippa and he can't begin to sort things with Andrea till he's gotten Colin back.

"You…" She starts and then gathers her thoughts. "Don't call me for a while, if you're still in the country."

It's not nasty, angry or petty; she doesn't slam doors or call him names. She's just gone. Colin arrives home Sunday night without Philippa who's stayed to secure payment on a flat. Neil watches his son walk through the arrivals gate confidant he won't have to say goodbye to him too many times more.

* * *

Philippa hadn't called to say she'd be home, that alone hardly surprises Neil as he pins her in the driveway Tuesday afternoon. The front yard suits him; he no longer cares about how their marriage appears. 

"I'm on my way to the bank." Philippa says when Neil appears at her door.

"Nice of you to call and say you're back." Neil reaches for the keys in the ignition and tosses them as far as he can into their neighbours overgrown yard.

"Neil!" Philippa exclaims opening the car door and getting out.

"You knew I respected Colin's choice and never told him my plans before Friday."

"So?"

"He was easy to manipulate and I wasn't around to stick up for myself and then I didn't want to make him a pawn so I didn't tell him I wanted him to stay. I didn't want him to feel in the middle and to have to make a hard choice because he told me it would be hard for him to be fair to both of us." Neil shakes his head in disgust. "What'd you tell him, that I didn't want him to stay? Thought he'd be better off with you, but oh dad still loves you, you'll just cramp his style, he'll never be around always off working."

Philippa pales but has nothing to say.

"You get him for three months, he comes back and finishes school here, you get every holiday and we share Christmas and birthdays, we'll be lucky if he wants to know either of us in a few years." Philippa starts to protest the conditions.

"I will fight you for every last gift I gave you, every last piece of silverware in that house; I'll drag this out for years."

"I'm not the one who wants to remarry." Neil involuntarily flinches.

"You have no proof of that and no court in this land wouldn't listen to my case, what with my hours being less, my attendance at things like soccer matches and parent teacher interviews and the holidays I've taken you both on."

Still she has nothing.

"Why did you never take my name, was it because you were always going in a different direction from me? Maybe you didn't want to be associated with me. Then again it was probably the total and utter no questions asked devotion you have to your father, no matter what." Neil studies her face for clues.

"He has nothing to do with this." Philippa protests.

"How could you ignore it, it made me sick and it made me wonder about the type of person you are. But then you're all about outward appearances aren't you and there not being a scandal and having everything material that you need." Neil accuses.

"He's my father." Philippa protests again and this time her strong exterior starts to break. "You had a tumultuous relationship with your own."

"He was saving young boys lives not having sex with them." Neil near yells.

"Using my maiden name made questions of bias in my job disappear. My father might have been in the MET but he wasn't actively involved in cases."

"You just keep on defending him." Neil says disbelieving.

"He's family; it's what you do for family."

"Goodbye Philippa."

Neil backs his car out and parks it on the street, she's free to leave except for her missing keys that Neil tossed – symbolic of the fact they'll always be connected, through Colin. It's not a hard decision to make, it's not one he has to beat himself up for hours over, it's one he feels free of guilt from. In the end it's Philippa's career focus that seals it, always before family. He hates that she resorted to lying and manipulation of Colin but then he's just gone and done the same thing to her. Neil knows it's selfish and he is all the things she is too – what you hate in the other you see in yourself – but he's getting better.

He needs Andrea to know.

* * *

A fortnight later, just before applications close Neil asks to be considered for the position. He concedes leaving Sun Hill probably won't be a bad thing, too much conflict with Jack Meadows and too much meddling from Jo Masters, time to make a fresh start. 

It doesn't escape him that a move would allow him to be with Andrea in the open. Separated from Sun Hill and his wife would lessen the gossip and what there would be he'd cope with like the rumours about his promotions courtesy of the DAC.

Fleetingly he wonders what Philippa's parents will think. He knows whose side they will take but he also knows they won't get involved.

But no promotion to DCI would be as sweet as it would if Andrea was by his side.

He decides then and there to stop looking for a tenant and move into the flat, it's not that the house holds bad memories, as many good as bad; it's just too big for one person.

Neil picks up the phone and dials the now familiar number; he lets it ring until the message service answers. The same happens on her home phone, he dials again leaving identical messages.

"Please call me, I need to talk to you, to explain but I don't want to do it over the phone."

A week later when he takes Philippa and Colin to the airport she hasn't called back.

* * *

"Be good, have fun and call me anytime." Neil swears his son has grown taller in the last month, inching ever closer to overtaking his father. 

"I'll see you dad." Neil watches him walk towards the departure gate giving him some space with Philippa.

Neil hands over the carry on luggage he'd been holding. He doesn't let go of the handle when her hand lands next to his.

"I want you to know I'm not angry or bitter and I didn't mean those things I said." Philippa gives him a grateful look. "I loved you." The words no matter how honest are hard.

"I loved you too."

"I couldn't have asked for more in a wife, all those times in uniform when I came home and you were there for me." Neil lets go of the bag. "I know why you did what you did with Colin, he's the best thing we ever did and I'd have wanted him with me full time as well." Tears well in both of their eyes.

"We got successful you and me, we got busy Neil and lazy, we've grown apart and we haven't bothered to fight."

"I don't know if there's anything left to fight for." Philippa nods once looking over her shoulder at Colin.

"Let's make this amicable, you should start proceedings, I won't fight them." Neil feels sick at the request to file for divorce.

"There's no rush." And something in Philippa's eyes says she knows he's no longer with Andrea.

"Good luck with the new job, I hope you find happiness…" The bag drops from Philippa's hand as she throws her arms around his neck, Neil allows a few tears to shed. The whole situation feels strange and uncomfortable and he has to dig for the feeling that its right…but it's there.

"I never could be where I am today without your support, even if you don't think I ever needed it." Neil pulls her tighter with the words. When Philippa gradually releases herself from his embrace he kisses her one last time.

"Good luck with the DCI's job, we'll call you when we get there." Neil breaks down as he watches them blur into departures. In the empty airport lounge he cries with his head in his hands.

He feels strange and he thinks he'd have preferred an estranged and bitter parting. It's difficult to be so grateful for one another and to wish the other well. It feels almost more difficult than it would be if they'd argued to the bitter end.

In the car on the way back to work, sunglasses firmly over his eyes he feels empty. No wife, no son for three months and no Andrea… and friends who haven't always been loyal to him. He delays the station and heads home, it's quiet without the rock music, the study is his again, the fridge still sparse. Neil realises he'll never be comfortable here again.

He sees her through the rectangle of reinforced glass of the automatically locking door at the front desk. The code slows him up and she's gone when he accesses the corridors of the station.

He takes the long way to his office, head turning in ever direction and into every room. He doesn't find her but it's as if she's haunting him.

In his office he ignores the blinking message light and calls her mobile, when her recorded voice asks him to leave a message he obliges. "I have to talk to you, Philippa's gone, this is just a misunderstanding, please."

He ends the call praying that one of the messages is from her; he'll even take a rebuff of his advances at this point, anything to have some contact.

The first is from a DS looking for information on a criminal known to Sun Hill, the second is disappointing.

It's always a lowly secretary, given a list of names and numbers to call with the instructions of being polite but firm.

The DCI's job isn't his.

He's not surprised there's at least one person in the building with enough sway and desire to see him fail. Even if that means he'll still be at Sun Hill and many more who have the influential officer's ear.

The more he thinks about it the less it really worries him. Five years ago he'd want to know why and in detail and what he could do about it, now he wants Andrea back, top priority.

In his diary he marks the day, separation an easier word to scribe than divorce. He can't ignore the connotations of failure that come with this day, no more marriage, no more promotion. He can't remember ever failing at anything this major before, but then again he'd never taken such risks in life. Neil tells himself he's going to need to get used to picking himself up and trying again. Somehow it just makes him more determined.

Neil reaches for the brown paper bag sitting innocently and inconspicuously on his desk. He turns it upside down, its sole content rolling across the desk.

He'd paid extra for the box because it was velvet, he'd paid careful attention to the fact she wears white gold and had feigned a passing interest when she looked in jeweller's windows as they'd shopped one time.

He knew it was the right thing for her to have and sometimes when they were talking he'd catch himself looking at it on her hand. She knew one day he wanted to buy something for the finger next to it.

There's no note or explanation, just the most precious material thing he'd given her that paled in comparison to the other, his heart, resting in a generic paper bag.

Inside the box the ring rests snugly in its material covered cardboard holder. It looks as lonely as he feels.

Somewhere between work and home Andrea admits it to herself. That was the hard part, the realisation was easy. She knows she has her finger on the self-destruct button, slowly pushing it down. It's a bitter pill that she's probably self destructing the relationship over Philippa and Colin when really it saves her from exposing herself as a journalist and all the hurt and betrayal that goes with it.

* * *

Six weeks apart, five hand written notes of explanation, four phone calls a day to her home and mobile, three long emails explaining he wants her back, two bunches or roses numbering two dozen, one heart, his, broken and alone…No Andrea.

* * *

Pause. To be continued in the next story. Story ID - 2891564 


End file.
